New Age

What is, shall be. What is not, shall not be

It was one of those days when you could feel the silence that lingered within the room as though it had crept into your being and quieted everything down. A serene sense of peace smothered you as the silence settled in. You didn’t resist it. You didn’t even try to stop it, but rather you just welcomed it in. Closely with it you sat, as if you were holding its hand tightly and could feel the warmth entangled between both of your fingers. There was never an ounce of doubt in your mind that it would let go of your hand to make its way out, because with its invitation came a knowingness of “What is, shall be. What is not, shall not be”. That was your way of allowing the presence of peace to come forth and take you into its embrace. Together all three of you sat, hand in hand, heart in heart, blissfully cohabiting the same space, but in three very different ways. It was what was felt that really mattered, not what was seen or heard. For just being seen and heard meant something different than feeling. Feeling was the language of lovers, for it was the only thing that has the ability to dissolve, tear apart and remove walls or even mountains. It didn’t need a reason or perfect timing, it came either invited or as a guest. Because of its utter belief in all things unique, beautiful and true. It entered as a gentle glow of a candlelight in a dark room to ignite and lighten the darkness that somberly rested all around it. That was enough for it. It didn’t want anything more or desired anything different, for its only real task was one of light, truth and love. To open all hearts to such a thing because its heart wasn’t any different than anyone else’s, it knew that. And it was sharing with others its knowing. It was sharing its glow and igniting the unlit torches of the soul into magical flames of energy and absolute truth of being, the divine infinity of its own creation.

{KP 11.18.13}

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I am

I feel tightness in my chest as though a giant boulder is resting on my heart, my most prized possession. I feel confused, overwhelmed, lost, peace-less and even unaware of its presence, but one thing is for sure, I feel it! I begin to cage myself in so it won’t harm me, break my bones or be able to carve an imprint onto my canvas. I tell myself its just a feeling and this too shall pass, just like rain drops pouring out of a gray cloud. However this doesn’t pass and I begin to fret and worry. I think of all the ‘what if’ scenarios in my head playing them over and over like a song on a broken record. I cringe, I tap my foot on the cold concrete floor, I fiddle with my silky hair and I even try to listen to the sweet tunes of dancing strings on a guitar. Nothing seems to make this feeling disappear or make it go away. I continue to lose all grip and understanding like I’ve suddenly been thrown out of a plane in mid air, and gravity isn’t there to catch me. Its turned its back on me. The only thing that I feel now is tears filling my eyes making them wet, creating a pool of warm water as they embrace my delicate aurora of sight, hugging them tightly until finally letting go to flow like a water fall on to my cheek. Dripping of my sharp jaw to hit the crisp white paper allowing itself to settle right in. I repeat to myself I am…I am…I am…I am LOVE and let love tightly coil around me until I can only feel the sound of my heart in unity with my breathe.

Things

Sometimes I can’t help but sit back and look at the physicality of my surroundings. I’m immersed and consumed by things. Things here, there and everywhere. I feel a sense of urgency to get away from all these things, to set myself free, allow the light within my soul to shine. These things aren’t necessarily holding me back, but I don’t understand their purpose. What is their purpose? To provide happiness, contentment, peace, safety, meaning, pride or fullness? Or is it to keep you in an illusion that there is always something better than what you’ve already got. Within these things lie feelings of restlessness, an eagerness to get more and be more. Sometimes even more doesn’t feel enough. No matter how many things you accumulate; there is always a sense of lack and a continuing desire for more.

I try to reason with myself, tell myself these aren’t the beautiful phenomenons of this world; they are just its made up commodities. The beauty lies in trees, flowers, mountains, forests, rivers, oceans, wanderlust, the living and breathing souls that populate the Earth. Within them rests the truest essence of beauty, but not many look at them with awe or even appreciation. They merely just exist, waiting to be noticed and seen. When I see a cat, I see a soul looking back at me whose eyes speak words that only my soul can decipher, but the emotions are felt all through my body. The translation of this exchange shows up on the lines between my lips that curve upwards to form a gentle smile. In these moments my soul, mind and the body feel deeply rooted and connected to one another in harmonious oneness. I live for these moments, these experiences that shape my internal condition into a bright glow of light, which shines from within my center only sending vibrations of love, forever.

Be who you are if you aren’t you then you are no one.

Loving yourself is an inside job, literally…there is no other way around it. Years of self hate, criticism, I’m not good enough, I’m less than, and I’m worthless are symptoms of the self hate “disease”. The “disease” makes us feel like a victim, and somehow convinces us that we are wrong to think any other way…after all aren’t we all supposed to be extremely hard on ourselves and never cut ourselves any slack? If this sounds like you then you’ve contracted the “disease”.

Loving means feeling, showing, or indicating love and affection. Just like how you feel, show, indicate love for your cat, dog, spouse, mom, etc…you need to do the same for yourself. Its very easy to say, “yeah of course I love myself”, but do you really? When was the last time you complimented yourself? When was the last time you said, “I love my body”? When was the last time you actually told yourself, “I love you”? Little daily practices like such will not only help to build up your self-esteem, but also your self-love. Now it won’t be an overnight process, but remember its more important to have patience and do the work necessary.

I am a “victim” of this disease too and I know what its like to hate yourself. Years and years of convincing myself that I am not better than or I am less than this person, not having the confidence to look at someone in the eye when I spoke, or crying myself to sleep at night because of how miserable I felt. The bottom line to all my symptoms was I had convinced myself that I was meant to be this way and it constantly consumed my mind. I decided to dig deeper inside myself to focus on how I feel when I hate myself, when I worry and when I disrespect myself. How do I feel? I don’t feel good. Then I thought about how I feel when I when I’m smiling, inspired and content? I feel good. So wouldn’t I want to feel good all the time? Yes! Just force a smile and it will instantly make you feel better.

My go to way of easing the pain of self hate is focusing on my breath and as I breathe out saying, “I release these thoughts”. This provides more clarity and calm.

Everyone has the potential to love themselves and you are who you are. It is about learning to embrace that, and truly believing it. Believing in yourself is loving yourself, and when you’ve accepted that, you are unstoppable. Start your day with saying thank you and I love you to yourself. It signifies the appreciation and respect you have for yourself. Surround yourself with images, quotes, people that bring you joy, support and inspire you, they will be your guide on the path back to LOVE.

Let go and Let flow

As I sit here and look at the rippling tides bobbing their tiny heads up and down on top of the blueish/greenish water, I see the flow of life. These tiny tides have no care in the world and know that they are just a mere reflection of the nature of God, in them lives unconditional love filled with an easiness to know nothing, be nothing but only be. At times when obstacles seem too grand and the storm just doesn’t seem to pass, I will think of these little bobbing heads grazing the surface of the water, slowly yet confidently making their way to kiss and caress the sand on the beach. Moments like such have taught me so much about my own creation. I too must remain in the belief that everything is happening for my highest good and there is no rush in the creative process because the obstacle is the path, it is the journey. To realize this awareness is to know that no matter what happens, the Universe has my back. I must believe in order to see. I must not dwell and ponder, but let go and only flow.

In awareness lies my ability to fully experience, to breathe in the moment as if I am sealing it within the walls of my chest letting its essence take over my body, mind and spirit. Staying aware just takes a mental shift in perception, and in your ability to release from the mind everything that is not needed. There never will be a perfect thought, but there can be a perfect, complete and whole moment. Live here. To live in the moment is the greatest sense of awareness you can feel. It is not a matter of trying to control, but rather about letting it flow. Feel it, release it and move forward. Step by step, little by little the mountain can be moved, just know that each passing moment is just as special as the one before or after. All you need to do is stop judging and begin accepting.

Awaken

Standing at the edge of the pier as the strong winds ran through my hair and the lingering smell of algae went up through my nose into my consciousness; I suddenly felt re-awakened.

As the winds picked up and sped through the air as if they were running a marathon, a slow sensation came over me: of how good it feels to be alive, to be healthy and to be able to experience the most simple pleasures of life. In this moment a surge of gratitude came over me and a deep commitment to acknowledge it, to take it all in.

I believe its moments like these that awaken our spirit, our soul to guide us to self realization. We all experience it, and its arousal is caused by different things and situations, but the beautiful thing about it is that, as human beings we all relate to this feeling, this one jolt of awareness.